Sabrina Catlett
Jun 18, 20172 min
The concept of fatherhood is something I struggle with daily. Growing up, I knew my father, which is more than many could say. I even spent a few weekends a year at his house with his family, but like any child of a single parent, that feeling of abandonment still ran deep and caused so many issues in my life. Even now, I still struggle with how to relate to a man. More than anything, I struggle with how to relate to God.
God is my father. I have known this as long as I can remember. His covenant with me makes Him the best father I could ever know. That I could ever think of or want. But my twisted idea of fatherhood makes me look at God like I look at my father, loving me enough to claim me, but distant and unsupportive. Fine with hearing from me a few times a year. Putting his other children before me. In step with these assumptions, I respond to God as I have responded to my father. I am distant. I feel awkward spending time with Him. I look for that relationship in other things and people. I even get so hurt and angry that I curse Him for what I believe He's done to me.
But my father is not God. I can not expect for him, or anyone, to do for me what only God can do. While as parents, we have a biblical duty to our children and families, this world is not perfect. As much as my father's absence hurt me, it blessed me. It gave me the opportunity to experience a perfect love and validation from the Lord. My father did what he could, and for that I respect and honor him, but God did that and more.
God is my father. Not only is he my father, but he's the one I actually need most. He's proven Himself to me over and over again. He pursued me for as long as I remember, sending His Word and his people into my life moment by moment to show me how much he knows me, and loves me, and desires me just as I am. He held me when I was an 8-year-old girl, sitting in front of the window, waiting for a father to come and love me. He disciplined and comforted me when I was a teenager, running around with boys, hoping to find the validation that my father should have provided. He rejoiced in me, when I accomplished my goals and lived up to the calling He instilled in me. He defended me and protected me from the danger I could have put myself in. And He hears me still, wiping away the tears from my eyes as I sit and type this. I have always had a good father. It's all He knows to be.
No matter if you experienced the love of a father or not, I hope you look to God as Father, knowing that He alone is perfect and loves you... unapologetically.