30 Days of Me: Day Four

One habit I wish I didn't practice is severe procrastination. Somewhere around sophomore year in high school, I developed this habit where I wait until after something was due to start taking it seriously. The crazy thing is I plan really well. Whether an assignment or excursion, or anything that needed attention in advance, I've always meticulously charted my course before action. But execution is my weak point. I spend so much time planning that I get exhausted, weeks go by, and I haven't even looked at what I planned to do, only to find myself behind. So far behind that I don't even want to do the work anymore.

So I abandon the project, only to find myself more engulfed in the sea of work because of missed deadlines and poor communication. I've begun to discuss it in therapy. We've discussed the possibility that my habitual procrastination is a mixture of anxiety, avoidance, and pride. I fear failure, wasted time and energy, missed opportunities, routine, and rejection. They all lead me to flee the task at hand and find an activity that assuages the discomfort. Usually, it's something important, but not urgent. So it makes me feel like I still accomplished something, though I truly know I've failed yet again. I haven't found a personal solution yet. I really hate it, but I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. I've tried so many different strategies in practicing better time management and follow through, but it always boils down to me looking at what I'm supposed to do, and then choosing to do something different. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying to break this habit. It does mean that I'm going to need some help. So if anybody out there reading this has any tips on how to stop being a perpetual procrastinator, I welcome them in the comments below.

Thanks in advance.

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