There comes a time in your life when you become tired. You step outside of the muck and mire of life and you feel like you've been working so hard just to go nowhere. You look at the path you thought you were progressing on and find you may have been digging yourself into a hole. I've been on this earth 26 years. I've been a Black woman the entire time. I've been a Christian for over 20 of those years. I've been a mother for nearly 5 years and a wife for nearly 4 years, and here I am. Feeling like I'm back at square one. No. I wish I was at square one. I wish I knew where I was.
I'm in the desert in every way imaginable and I see no sign of relief. I am weary. So weary that most days, I don't bother to search for rescue. Don't bother to pray, or confess, or search His Word for guidance. I doubt my salvation. I doubt His existence. I try to find comfort in the mirages. I get lost in books, or music, or introspection, or shopping, or work. I try to ignore it and power through my career, my family; even self care becomes a burden. Where do you find hope in the arid places? In the dark places? Right now I am not sure.
4Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; 5hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them.
10Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons, 11for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. 12So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor; they fell down, with none to help.
17Some were fools through their sinful ways, and because of their iniquities suffered affliction; 18they loathed any kind of food, and they drew near to the gates of death.
Somewhere, very deep down. I hear it. I cannot ignore it. I try to. Some days I'm successful. But still, it calls to me. It beckons to me. Reminding me.
6Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. 7He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. 8Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! 9For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
13Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. 14He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. 15Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! 16For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.
19Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. 20He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction. 21Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! 22And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of his deeds in songs of joy!
Pray for me as I pray for you. Right now. That we would cry out.
* All scriptures can be found in Psalm 107. I am committing this Psalm to memory this month. I'll posting videos over the next 4 weeks with how this chapter is breaking up the arid ground of my heart. There will also be a video at the end of the month with a recitation of this Psalm. Feel free to join me and post your own videos reciting it. Thanks for your prayers and support.