Emotional immaturity was hidden in every empty relationship I chose over Christ. As a girl blossoming into a woman I thought having God was enough. I knew Him as I knew many friends-- well enough to be known and loved, but not well enough to trust Him with my heart. Hear me when I say that this is a daily process that has never been so real to me as in this season of true singleness. He has always been there for me to lean on but I have always been withholding my love for God and giving it to men. In other instances I was giving it to my sisters under the guise of sisterhood but really choosing to allow sisters to hold me up where only God was meant to.
This is the first season of my life as an adult where I have been completely alone. This
journey has been fearful, sad, happy, freeing, challenging, boring, adventurous,and sanctifying. As someone who has run from emotions for as long as I can remember, being alone with God has shown me that the presence of people are not an antidote to the absence of God. We need to be alone with God often. It is in the alone time where we hear His voice the most. We are focused, less distracted, less prone to lean on our idols when we should only lean on God.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 says, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
In my singleness I wasn’t alone. I had many a companion, many a situationship, many promiscuous moments, many sins, and idols to keep me occupied. I should have, according to scripture, been worried about the things of God and how to please Him. I should have been on mission. Although I wasn’t married having unhealthy attachments to men left me concerned with many things that were not God. Instead of being free to grow and prosper emotionally and spiritually, I was ruining myself. I wondered about being pretty enough, being chosen, being committed enough, serving my needs, and whatever guy was the flavor of the year. I opened and closed emotional boundaries. I buried myself in a valley of sin and am only beginning to climb out.
Alas I am alone. It is just me and God and the emotional pit I hurried myself in. I am here with God and His Word is faithful to show me He is comforting me.
Psalm 34:18 says, The Lord is near the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
He is with me. He is here and comforting everything I broke running from Him. It is only alone where I am truly experiencing His glory and His character. Where I once sought comfort in men's arms, God is showing me He is the best comfort. Where I sought affirmation in people, He is showing me the strength in His voice. Where I once guided my eyes to my lusts, He has restored my sights on His word.
A quote that encourages me says:
“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”
- Bianca Sparacino
Alone is not lonely. Alone is a place where I am learning to love God and trust Him with all. Don't be afraid to get alone with God and bask in His love as He shows you the beauty you've forgotten.
About the Author
Born and raised in Chicago's Englewood neighborhood Jenean Elizabeth is a woman whose life experiences have shaped her in many ways. The experiences that have shaped her to the core are the love of her earthly father and the pursuit of her heavenly father. As a writer, speaker, mentor, lover of the arts, daughter, friend, and servant of Christ she seeks to emulate and spread these examples to all she encounters. "A Dash of Spice" is her way of sharing her passions with the world. As God pierces her heart in different areas she hopes her writing would challenge others to dig deeper and fight harder to live out the gospel.