I didn't want to write this. Not publicly anyway. I felt it more appropriate for my journal. One thing I love to do is reflect privately before sharing publicly, but something drew me here. So here I am, recapping my decade like everyone else.
As I began writing this post, the song "Be Glorified" by Ron Kenoly hit my mind. I really have no idea why. I mean, I love this song, but I have never intentionally listened to it. I remember it as the opening song for worship in my childhood church. It was always a majestic song that made the sanctuary feel heavenly, which brings me back to where I was 10 years ago.
A high school senior longing to turn 18, join a new church, and begin a new journey in college. I
thought I was going to DePaul (boy was I wrong!). 2010 brought me great joy and great transition. I competed in Louder Than A Bomb and co-created a poetry collective, went to college, lived the dream of being a Jubilee Singer, made new friends, and loved old ones more fully. 2011 was just as beautiful with more experiences, traveling, lessons learned, and obstacles overcome. I started my very own open mic at my university and experienced a deeper relationship with Jesus than I ever knew I could. 2012 was a year of transition and grace, getting my driver's license, first apartment, first retail job, first teaching job, first car, and meeting the man who would become the love of my life. Even in the midst of all my foolishness and rebellion, God poured his blessings over me. 2013 gave me a son, the beginning's of my long awaited loc journey, and a relationship with women I never thought I could have. I was discipled and loved recklessly. I experienced deep pain like I'd never known before, and I was humbled to a new low. Still, here is where God showed me his strength and healing power. In 2014, I grew even deeper in community, got engaged, graduated college, began my teaching career, and got married. 2015 was rough. I was heartbroken and I failed at so many things. That year, I learned about myself in some terrifying ways. 2016 was the same, but my family grew. God blessed me with the daughter I'd prayed for, and my family moved to Wisconsin. 2017 was crazy. I worked in two different industries, launched this blog, gave birth to twins, and watched myself become more of what I was meant to be. 2018 was life-giving, as I returned home, returned to my work, and began the journey of re-establishing myself in this city. That year was not without challenge, but I was reminded of who I am and who I want to be. 2019 was fascinating. I think this has been the best year in my marriage, and I believe it's the beginning of a new me. I am finally reinventing myself and facing the fact that the girl who left here 10 years ago is long gone. Those relationships have changed. My desires and goals have shifted. The woman I am today is not the woman I planned to be in 2009. I am far better than my 17-year-old self could have imagined. I am more than I knew I could be.
I know theologically that God has been glorified in my life through His own sovereign might. He has been faithful and just, a patient counselor and a loving Father. He has shown me what it feels like to be satisfied in Him. he has allowed me to taste an emptiness so vast, a low so dark, that the only thing I could do was seek Him. And he rescued me from myself every single time. In this decade, I want to bring Him glory intentionally. I want to magnify His name as I grow into becoming a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, teacher, friend, church member, writer, and whatever else God gives me in this decade. In all that I say and do, I want God to be glorified.
Happy New Year.
